Abbott offers knighthood to anyone who forgets promises he made during the election

Tony Abbott has promised the Australian people that he’ll give them a knighthood if they forget everything he’s ever said before today.

‘Some may claim I promised ‘no cuts to education, no cuts to health, no changes to pensions and no changes to the GST’, said Mr Abbott. ‘And those people won’t get a knighthood.’

‘In my Australia, not having a knighthood will make you more ostracised than an Aboriginal in the IPA, and more out of place than a woman in Cabinet. So wouldn’t be easier to just forget everything I said before the election?’

‘We can all forget things if we want to’, said Abbott. ‘Just last week Joe Hockey told me he can’t remember how we can afford our paid parental leave scheme. I told him it would be easier if we forgot about the scheme’.

Abbott has promoted a hotline for those who want to take advantage of forgetting the Government’s promises during the election. ‘We encourage anyone who’s looking for advice on forgetting to call Arthur Sinodinos’s office on 02 9223 4388.’

‘If he forgets to turn up to his ICAC hearing he’ll be happy to take your call’.

Abbott leads by example by forgetting his sexuality.
Abbott leads by example by forgetting his sexuality.

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