Overheard in the Labor Shadow Cabinet Room

‘It’s one thing to be pro-minority, but we’ve gone too far in electing a man with obvious special needs as party leader’.

‘Albo has a drawer full of wizz-fizz that he gobbles down just before Question Time.  He downs it with a bottle of red as he hums to the tune of Working Class Man. I swear to god this is true. Tanya saw him’.

‘No-one gives a fuck about us [the party] any more. Shorten would fuck a pig on live TV if a focus group told him’.

‘Shorten makes [Alexander] Downer look like Churchill.’

‘My own shit has more charisma than Bill Shorten’.

‘[Julie] Bishop is like that bitch at the expensive private school who didn’t catch the bus because her dad drove her home a BMW’.

‘I have no purpose. I don’t know why I bother living. Mum was right, I should have been a doctor.’

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